i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
