Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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