I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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