i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
