Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
