I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
