Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
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is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
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Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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