You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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