I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
