Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
