you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We are two peas in an std pod
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
