Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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