I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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