dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
