Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
