My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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