My balls are so social today.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
