Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
