You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He did a backflip because drugs
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
