so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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