why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He passed out mid-signature
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
