May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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