i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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