I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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