they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
