Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
should my penis look like a turkey
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He better not be in your backpack
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I forget how to act sober
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
