thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
