I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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