This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
