I have demons in me.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
