Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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