well you can't waste a boner
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
