either way he was missing a nipple.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
