I got chris browned last night
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
