My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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