goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
