My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
