this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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