I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
love makes seman taste better
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
