You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
