Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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