There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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