watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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