At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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