So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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