She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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