I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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