Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
handjob tips. give me some.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
