Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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