ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize