..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
