Whatcha textin bout Willis?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
