Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
