So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize