dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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