there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
