I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
