Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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