Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Randomize