Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
