Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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