We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
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Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
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I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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