I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
