My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
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His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
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They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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