So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
