champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
