i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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