I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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